The Way We Get By

This one's for me. I've got a lot of friends right now who have been through bad times. A few family members too. To any who read, I love you, if you enjoy this post that's wonderful, I would love it if something this personal touched someone else, but I really wrote it for me.

"We go out in stormy weather
We rarely practice discern
We make love to 'Some Weird Sin'
We seek out the taciturn

And that's the way we get by"
                     -Spoon, The Way We Get By

What gets us by? What keeps our legs moving one after the other when we can't think of a reason to keep walking or even anywhere to go? What gets us out of bed in the morning when we're not sure if we can honestly say we know of a single good reason to do so? What  keeps us from ending it all?

Is there a nice tidy abstract word to throw out that'll answer these questions? Faith? Love? Hope? Charity? I'm not so sure if there is for me right now. I really do wonder. It might be perspective, maybe it's because I know that for every terrible night I've had there's been a sunny day opposite. Maybe it's because when I wonder if anyone really cares I remember that I've got a Mother who's is nothing short of perfect even though I've seen her faults fully exposed. Maybe it's because I remember on my mission when I had no investigators, a terrible companion, and was stuck in a hole of a desert trash heap, it all got replaced by 7 amazing converts,  a companion I loved and respected, and my favorite town in America not named Meridian. All without any visual changes.

 If this doesn't help you, I can't help you.

Maybe it's hope. Why do I keep dating even though I've never really had a girlfriend and I'm 21... I don't have prior experience to go on but I know there's someone out there who could make me feel like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pp-Gl-70dSo. and who knows, they might even be into me. Why did I start training for a half marathon even though I couldn't run 2 miles when I started? I actually don't know that yet but I'm up to 11 miles last week and have to get to 13.1 by next month. Man that feels good to read back to myself. Can't wait for the race Chase!

Sometimes we get by with destructive habits. I've eaten to escape, got mad and used people to escape, and done other things I really would prefer not to publish to escape. The thing with those is that all we really do by "escaping" is add a nice basement to the hole we put ourselves in. It's tempting though, you can't see the depth of the hole as long as you're in the basement, problem is you can't see anything much at all.

Sometimes we turn to positive things to cope, but the problem is that these can become part of what I talked about in the last paragraph. I've done that with music, using what can be a beautiful and uplifting form of art that can bring us out of darkness, as a way to not deal with whatever it is I need to do. Loved one's are usually our best form of coping. But I've seen that be abused by many, and I apologize if I've done it to anyone I know. The biggest issue with using (in the negative sense) other people to cope is that when we drive them away we might not get them back when we need them next. And then we usually turn to people who will not be a positive influence in our lives at all and we've got ourselves a new basement.

So I just try to remember, there's more gorgeous sunsets coming my way. I got one tonight here in Rexburg. Best I've seen since I've been home from my mission. I try to remember family barbecues at Municipal Park. I think about sweat, blood, n' concrete front yard basketball with the 5 men (My Dad and brothers Calvin, Chad, Jared, and Chase) that mean more to me than anyone else in the world outside my mom. I try to remember light-saber battles with my best friend and the fact that he still is the first guy I call when I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I try to remember riding my scooter and screaming in the pouring rain, rain is the best weather imaginable in my book. I've never lived anywhere that got enough of it, and so I see its absolute beauty. I'm sure anyone from a wet place thinks that's nuts.

But that's the whole point, it might be nuts to keep looking forward, it might not make any sense to see things positively. I might be completely delusional in assuming that it'll all work out somehow. But it beats the Hell out of seeing rocks in the dirt instead of the flowers that you could plant. End.

P.S. To anyone who hasn't listened to This Too Shall Pass by OK GO, this is your reminder. Grooveshark.com.